Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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