note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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