I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
