pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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