using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's shark week go big or go home
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
