so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
