Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
