Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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