Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
