Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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