There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
