Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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