my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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