i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
