hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
