I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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