anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
