Umm I'm too high to move.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
