im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
