I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
