I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
