Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
