I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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