when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
