she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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