I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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