This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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