He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
