Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
