he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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