oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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