She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
