How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
