i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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