my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
