I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
