Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
