Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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