if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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