Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
