i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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