a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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