what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
where does the pee come out of this thing
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
