I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
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