"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
