I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
