This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
