Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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