The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
