i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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