if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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