DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
